Pregnant at 20 weeks-Recurrent Miscarriage

We are officially 20 weeks and 2 days.  I know I haven't kept up with the blog.  We have had so many appointments and ultrasounds it is hard to keep anything going. 

We found out we are having a girl.  I have had all sorts of fun testing done.  The only thing they have found is low PAPP-A.  I'm in the 2nd percentile which can mean all sorts of fun things like preeclampsia, IUGR, miscarriage, stillbirth.  So right now I have ultrasounds every 4 weeks, then soon it will be 2 weeks, and then 1 week at 32 weeks.  I'm still on the Folgard, Baby Aspirin, Lovenox, and Prenatal daily.  Then of course my Zofran and Prevacid.  It will be all worth it in the end.  

I'm not sure if I posted this or not but they found out that I also have a clotting condition that they call PAI-1 4G/4G mutation.  I'll keep updated as much as I can remember.

Amazing-Pregnant Recurrent Miscarriage

Sooooo we were told I had probably developed an allergy to my husband semen after our post coital test.  We decided to take a few months off before we did the IUI's because I wanted to try to lose a few pounds.  Low and behold...without medications, without ovulation strips WE ARE PREGNANT.  I'm 5 weeks today.  I had my hcg drawn at around 13 dpo at it was 170 with a progesterone of 21 (without supplements) and then again at 17dpo and hcg was 694 and progesterone 26.  We have everything crossed that we will keep this one.  But we won't know for sure until the baby is in our arms.  I have a progesterone draw today and a ultrasound a week from today.  We shall see.

2nd round of Clomid

So my first round was a total bust.   We are now 4 dpo on Clomid and Ovidrel trigger.  And I'm 100% sure it will be a bust.  I went into the office the day after my Ovidrel trigger to have a post coital test done.   We were given no instructions except to have sex.  We did and when I went in 12 1/2 hours later there was only one live sperm swimming and the rest were dead.  The nurse informed me I have probably developed an allergy to my husband's semen.  And that an IUI would be our only option.  She then scheduled me for an IUI on Monday.  Which would have been 72 hours post trigger.  I politely cancelled.  I didn't feel that 72 hours later would be worth the money.  So we are taking a the summer months off of meds and TTC and starting back up in August or September.  It really blows because I had 4 mature follicles all measuring 24mm, 19mm, and two 18 mm's before the trigger.  Oh well.  Maybe one day we will have baby number three.

3 DPO-Recurrent Miscarriage, Clomid and Ovidrel

I'm still trucking along.  I'm having some major cramps.  I think I may have had a cyst burst last night.  I need to take pics of my HPT to show the progression.  I currently still have HCG in my system.  I think I'm ready to take a bit of a break.  I just realized the last baby that we saw the heartbeat on and lost has been gone for 9 months.  The baby would have been 3-4 months old.  Totally blows.  I know there has to be a plan. 

1 DPO-Recurrent Miscarriages

It has been determined that I am 1 day post ovulation or 1 DPO.  At around 12:30 a.m. Tuesday morning I had the worst cramping pains on both sides of my abdomen.  I seriously thought my ovaries might explode.  The pain lasted most of yesterday.  But it wasn't horrible all day it felt more like I had done a thousand sit-ups then punched myself in the gut a few dozen times.  But from all the reading I have done the Ovidrel trigger shot (250ug) has you ovulate between 36-39 hours and that is what the pain equals out to be. 

I am beginning to POAS.  I know it's too early!  I'm testing out my trigger shot.  I went to the Dollar Tree and bought a bunch of $1 tests to waste on this fun experiment.  I just can't bare poas and thinking I'm pregnant and it actually the trigger shot.  It was definitely positive today.  I will post a picture tomorrow. 

Clomid, Ovidrel, and Timed Intercourse-Recurrent Miscarriage

My RE gave us 3 cycles to TTC on our own.  All BFN by the way.  Now we are on Cycle 4 of TTC.  I went into the office on cycle day 3.  I had no cysts.  I spoke with the nurse.  They scheduled a HSG.  Gave me 50 mg of Clomid to start on cycle day 3.  And then scheduled me for an ultrasound on cycle day 10.   

I took the Clomid.   I haven't had many side effects from it.  I think I had a couple of hot flashes but it could just be the weather.  (It can't seem to make up it's mind).  I'm glad that there was no mood swings because I really don't think my husband or children will stay with me if I have more mood swings then I already do.

I had my HSG done.  Tubes are open.  No Asherman's.  I had already diagnosed myself with Asherman's because well...I've had about a thousand d and c's from all the miscarriages.  (That may be overstating the number a bit but it feels like it)  They could see my c-section scar but nothing terrible there.

Then comes the ultrasound.  Why day 10?   Well I normally have a positive opk on day 10 around 11 a.m.  But of course I didn't this time.  They did the ultrasound and told me I have a 20mm and 17 mm follicle and that I need to wait until the following day to do the trigger.  I left the office feeling more confused then ever.   She told me NOT to wait for a positive OPK to trigger no matter what the next day.  Didn't give me a time or anything.   So I triggered at 10 a.m. I figured it was 24 hours + some past the appointment time.  I'm a "retired" R. N.  so I thought oh...I can do this little shot all by myself.  I have never laughed/cried so much at the same time ever.  I would count to 3...start to inject myself and stop.  Hesitation is not a good thing.  My DH said he would do it but...he had these really huge fingers and I didn't want him to hurt me.  Eventually after about 10 minutes of craziness.  I did it.  It doesn't hurt.  Just a little burning.  The only symptoms I have so far is sleepiness.  But we DTD last night and have plans to tonight and tomorrow.  I have a feeling this cycle won't work.  I think we triggered a little too early.  We shall see.

AF arrived right on time-3 miscarriages in a row

My cycle runs about 24-25 days long.  It arrived late last night but is now officially "full" flow.  Cycle day 1.   I have to call the RE's office  to inform them, although I have no idea why.  Yay.  Anyway I think I'm starting a low carb diet today.  I think they think I have PCOS.  I don't have a lot of the "normal" symptoms but I'm going to go with the reason I'm fat is because I'm insulin resistant and give low carb a go. 

This is totally F*** up!-Recurrent Miscarriages

We have been TTC for 2 cycles.  And nothing.  Not a faint line on any pregnancy test that I have peed on.  I'm just floored.  I know it can take longer than 2 cycles to become pregnant.  We have never had that happen.  Heck he just looked at me a couple of times and I was with child not for long, but with child.  I just want to go bang my head a door or wall for awhile but I don't want to teach my children bad habits so I will just cuss like a sailor in my head for a few days. 

I should start AF tomorrow and on to a new cycle.  We are trying this month and then waiting a month since it would most likely cause us a end of December baby and we already have one of those :)  I'm trying to decide if I need to temp or just do the OPK's.  I've never temped and I'm already stressed.  Probably not a good idea. 

It has been 4 months since my last post

So in the past four months, what has been happening??  A whole lot of nothing.  I had my RE appointment.  And then a battery of tests.  During this time we have been told I am positive for MTHFR double gene mutation.  Which means I am heterozygous MTHFR?  I think.  My C677 and A1298 genes are the ones affected.  I also found out that I have low progesterone.  My eggs are fine for somebody my age.  They tested my prolactin level and thought I had a pituitary tumor.  So had an MRI.  It was negative.  No tumor.  But my slightly elevated prolactin level is being treated even though I had no symptoms what so ever.  My level was 28 normal high is 18.  So I'm taking Dostinex 0.5mg 2 times a week.  I'm on Metformin 3 times a day at a max dose of 1500mg a day.  I take Folgard 2.2 mg x 2 and Prenatal Vitamin with DHA x1.  After ovulation I must take baby aspirin and progesterone.  We were given the okay to try for a baby this past month.  And we failed.  No pregnancy.  We have never tried and not gotten pregnant so I'm freaked out.  Now I can't get pregnant and can't carry a baby.  Anyway, my period only last 2 days and spotted off and on for 3.  So they want me to come in and do a blood HCG.  I know I'm not pregnant.  I'm concerned I have cysts though.  Anyway just rambling.  I am going to try to keep this updated a bit more now that we are TTC. 

Not much to post-Recurrent Miscarriage

I don't have anything really to update.  I have to go have blood work to make sure my HCG is back to 0 sometime this week.  I'm pretty sure it is after the horrible contraction like pain and heavy bleeding last week.  I've had no more spotting since.  I'm pretty proud of my body for doing what it was suppose to do after it realized the baby shouldn't stay.  Normally I have to have d and c's. 

I'm looking forward to my appointment but also scared.  I don't want to hear they can't do anything for me.  Keep trying til you have one. 

And I'm currently not able to have sex.  They said we couldn't get pregnant until after the appointment for them to help.  Whenever my husband and I think about having sex, I end up pregnant.  Sometimes I feel like just throwing caution to the wind.  Maybe just maybe it was all bad luck. 

Do I really want answers?-Recurrent Miscarriage

I'm less than 20 days away from my RE appointment.  I'm scared.  I'm scared at what they will find, I'm scared they will tell me I won't be able to have baby number 3, I'm scared they won't find anything.  I truly hope that there is nothing wrong and I just happened to have 4 miscarriages that were all totally different.  That each one was caused by normal reasons and that we are just statistically unlucky.  I want to hear you will be able to have a thousand more babies and NEVER have another miscarriage again.  I know this is very unlikely.  I know that if they don't find something that I will be told to keep going and eventually, maybe I might have another.

I've searched the internet a million times trying to find answers.  There are so many possibilities of what could be wrong.  I just hope if we find out that it is treatable.  And I don't want to have to do IVF.  I don't want to spend that kind of money when we can get pregnant. 

So I wait.  I wait until my next blood draw on Monday to see if my hcg is down to normal.  I started heavy bleeding again Weds. and now back to spotting.  Hopefully my body took care of it now.  This sucks.

Recurrent Miscarriage-A Secret Society?

I'm not sure what it is about miscarriages, but nobody speaks of them.  I've seen friends on Facebook announce pregnancies as soon as they find out.  And then nothing.  9-10 months will go by and it hits me that they never announced the sex of their baby or the birth of their baby.  I never say anything because like I said they are Facebook friends, friends from the past, people you don't speak with on a daily basis.  My guess they have had a loss.  Why do they not post.  "We lost our baby."  Probably the same reason I don't post, I'm pregnant.  I feel like it's private.  Why do I?  I don't know why.  My first miscarriage we told everybody under the sun we were pregnant.  EVERYBODY.  When we lost it at 8 weeks, I was sad, mad, embarrassed.  I dreaded people asking me about it because I would cry right in front of them.  

I think we hide because we hurt.  But I think by us hiding people are very dismissive of the problem.  I've heard...it wasn't a baby, you'll have another if it's god's will, you have 2 children at least.  The list goes on and on.  We had hope.  Just like you had hope when you found out you were pregnant and went on to deliver that child.  We think about what it will look like, what it will be when it grows up, what color will we paint the nursery, what are we going to name it...just as you do, but then the rug is ripped out from underneath us, for no reason what so ever.  We are left with a hole in are heart, an empty uterus, and an empty heart.   I'm not sure how to alleviate the problem.  I doubt there is a way.  People are insensitive to miscarriages for whatever reason until they have one themselves. 

And on a medical note, my HCG is down to 65.  I wish it was 0. 

The Wait

I started bleeding last Sunday.  I am currently down to just spotting.  I went in this morning for my HCG draw to see where we are.  I'm praying it's close to 0.  My body is so screwy though I wouldn't be shocked if it is still 333.  I can't believe we are still trying to have baby number 3.  I never imagined this happening in a million years.  It's heartbreaking and frustrating at the same time.  Now I just want answers and to try again.  I'm having a random pain on the right side right now.  I wonder if I'm trying to ovulate even though I'm still spotting.  We won't be trying again until probably December. 

Our Story

I have had 6 pregnancies.  I have 2 children.  Our batting average is less then perfect and I'm pretty sure I would be traded to a new team if this were baseball. 

My amazing husband and I have been together for 7 years.  We have been married for 4 years.  He was deployed overseas for a little over a year.  We were not married at the time.  He surprised me that he was coming home a couple weeks early.  I was suppose to start AF the day he was coming home.  I was on birth control pills so I immediately started a new pack.  My cycle went crazy at that point.  But thankfully I was able to push AF off for a few days so I could welcome him back properly.  He was home for 3 days then had to go back to finish his exit process.  So once he left I stopped my pills and allowed AF to visit and tried to start a new pack after.  We were married a few weeks later.  Off on our honeymoon we went.  We flew to Honolulu and had the most amazing time.  It was beautiful and perfect.  But I knew in the back of my head AF was suppose to show.  But she had not.  I said something to my dear husband and he was like lets get a test.  That would be awesome to find out on our honeymoon.  We went to a little convenient store on a corner near our hotel bought a HPT and that is where our journey begins.  I pee'd on that little stick.  And I had a big fat positive test.  I showed him.  I cried.  He was ecstatic.

Fast forward a week, once we arrive back I had the smallest amount of blood when I wiped.  I cried again.  I called the OB.  Nothing they could do but wait until I could have an ultrasound.  At 6 1/2 weeks we had an ultrasound.  There it was the most beautiful thing we had ever seen.  Our baby.  It's little heart just fluttering away.  We had a sigh of relief.  We received the lecture of "After you see the heartbeat your chances of miscarriage are slim."  If only that applied to me.  I am officially the one always in the the percentage.  We had moved away from our home state where are family was.  We were 6 states away.  I was on the phone with my mom, standing on our deck, and I felt it.  A sudden gush like I had peed my pants.  I was 8 1/2 weeks.  I told my mom I had to go.  Walked in the bathroom without saying anything to my husband, praying the whole time that I had actually peed my pants.  But there it was, brown blood.  Oh but brown blood is old blood they said on the phone.  You are fine.  We can have you come in for an ultrasound on Monday.  It was Saturday.  I went to the E.R. the next morning.  I knew.  They did the ultrasound.  Of course the tech didn't say a word.  She left and the wonderful butthead dr. came in.  The baby doesn't have a heartbeat.  These things happen.  Try again.  And off we were sent to my OB.  I went into the office.  I checked my cervix.  Said it was closed.  We needed to do a d and c.  I was all for it.  I couldn't imagine carrying a dead baby inside me for weeks.  I had become accustomed to touching my belly.  Now when I did it on accident I would cry.   I had my d and c within 2 days of finding out.  Never had anymore spotting or bleeding from the initial gush. 

I cried a lot.  Searched the end of the internet.  Was I going to be able to have babies?  Was it really just a fluke?  How could this happen?  Why can't I stay pregnant?  The OB office didn't follow my hcg levels down to 0.  About 5 weeks after my procedure I was feeling sick.  My husband and I had sex when it was okay.  We were told to wait 2 weeks to have sex.  But was told 3 months for trying for a baby.  And I thought...man I haven't had my period.  I feel sick.  Maybe, just maybe we were pregnant again.  I peed on a stick.  POSITIVE.  Yes!  We were pregnant again.  Called my OB. They had me do blood work.  The numbers were too high for a new pregnancy.  They started spouting out things like molar pregnancy and retained tissue.  Needing another ultrasound.  I go in to have my ultrasound and there it is retained tissue.  So another d and c was performed.  It went smoothly.  I cried still.  My husband was angry at the whole situation.  Not at me.  But just angry.  We decided we would try in December.  It would have been 3 cycles from the initial d and c. 

We bought Clearblue Easy Digital Ovulation Predictor.  I started testing everyday.  And on Christmas morning I had a big smiley face staring at me.  What an amazing Christmas gift.  We did the deed.  And 2 weeks later I had a positive pregnancy test.  Then the worry set in.  Is this baby going to stick?  Was there something wrong with me?  Why didn't they do tests to check?  I was on pins and needles the whole time.  Sick as a dog though, which was a good sign.  I went in at 6 1/2 weeks, heartbeat!  The baby was perfect.  71/2 weeks perfect. 8 1/2 weeks perfect.  I started feeling a big more comfortable.  My dr. was checking me with an ultrasound anytime I had a pain or twinge.  He  knew I was scared.  But my pregnancy was going perfectly.  Not a drop of blood.  9 months later I delivered the most beautiful 8lb 15 ounce baby boy by c-section.  I wouldn't let him out of my sight.  I'm pretty sure my husband and I fought over who was going to feed him and change his diapers because we just loved him so much and was scared to let him out of our arms for fear something or somebody would take him from us. 

We thought we were all fixed.  It was a fluke like they said.  We are destined to have our big family that we wanted.  We really truly wanted 6.  Now we are down to wanting 4.

When our Little Dude was 7 months old we decided lets do this again.  I bought Clearblue Easy Digital Predictor kit and off we went.  We got a smiley face.  Yay!!  We did the deed and 2 weeks later there is our beautiful positive pregnancy test.  Yes, you are reading this right.  1st try each time.  I decided to take a laid back position on this pregnancy.  We had moved I had a new OB who knew nothing of my previous miscarriage and didn't want to see me until I was 8 weeks. 

At 5 1/2 weeks I had a little bit of pink spotting mixed with some cervical mucus.  I freaked.  Called the dr. They had me come in to do blood work.  My 1st hcg was 10,000, 2 days later it was only 17,000.  The dr. said it didn't look promising.  Come in at 6 1/2 weeks to check.  After a long, horrible week wait. I went with my husband and there our sweet baby was with a little flickering heartbeat.  I was relieved but still freaked out because of the first pregnancy.  At 8 weeks I had another ultrasound and the baby was measuring perfectly and heart was still beating.  9 months later I gave birth to my little peanut princess measuring 5 lbs 14 ounces.  She was perfect. 

As much as we wanted to keep going and have more our dr. said she would prefer I wait until a year after the delivery because I had quite a bit of scar tissue and she wanted me to heal before we were pregnant again.  We waited 11 months.  Bought our ovulation tests and was pregnant within the month.  At 5 1/2 weeks I started bleeding.  Brown, pink....spotting.  I called hcg levels were done again.  They looked like my baby girls levels.  So I had hope.  We went in at 7 weeks.  Perfectly sized baby.  No heartbeat.  They gave it a week.  Still no heartbeat and the sac was collapsing.  I had a huge subchorionic hematoma.  We had a d and c.  They followed my levels down but it took 4 months to go to 0.  Our dr. said we could try right away.  We gave it a month.

Pregnant again.  No problems, no spotting, no bleeding.  Went in at 8 weeks.  Perfect baby.  Heartbeat.  Was told to have my nuchal translucency test at 11 1/2-12 weeks.  The day before my test.  On a Sunday no less, I peed, wiped, and there was brown blood.  We immediately went to the ER.  No heartbeat.  Baby had died.  Heartbroken and hysterical I vowed I was done.  I couldn't take anymore. 

But after coming home and playing with my little girl, I realized if I could have another Little Dude our another Miss Princess it was worth the heartache.  I went and had my d and c.  They tried to test the tissue but they couldn't.  I had 4 tests done.  Chromosomes, Antiphoysphollid, Lupus, and Thryoid tested.  All normal.  Dr. said it still could be a fluke.  She was sorry.  We could try progesterone as soon as I tested positive.

We accidently got pregnant this past month.  2 months after our d and c.   I was feeling sick.  We weren't trying.  We had sex once.  I tested, it was super positive.  Went to have blood work, started progesterone.  HCG for 11 days post ovulation was 333.  Progesterone 4.6.  2 days later HCG 333.  Progesterone up to 7.  No doubling, no movement on my hcg.  We tested one more time.  It went up to 335.  I stopped the progesterone.   I started bleeding a week later.  And I'm now just spotting. 

I have an appointment with a Reproductive Endocrinologist in 3 weeks.  Hopefully somebody can give me some answers.  I'm not sure how much more my heart can take.  I miss my babies.  I ache for them to be in my arms. 

Welcome!!-Recurrent Miscarriage

Welcome to my blog.  I am Mommyrella.  I'm 33 years old.  I have a husband who is 37 years old.  I also have two beautiful children that I love and adore more than anything in this world.  Little dude is 3 years old and Miss Princess is 21 months old.  My husband has a wonderful job that can support our family which allows me to stay at home with my sweet kiddos.  We have two dogs, two cars, and a house.  We have no problems getting pregnant.  What we don't have is the ability to stay pregnant any longer.

This blog is about my journey to have our 3rd baby.  It will be an outlet for my anger, frustration, sadness that entails going through 3 miscarriages in a row.  It will be very detailed and not for the faint at heart.  I have read others struggles and tribulations and I hope to have my happy ever after soon.