AF arrived right on time-3 miscarriages in a row

My cycle runs about 24-25 days long.  It arrived late last night but is now officially "full" flow.  Cycle day 1.   I have to call the RE's office  to inform them, although I have no idea why.  Yay.  Anyway I think I'm starting a low carb diet today.  I think they think I have PCOS.  I don't have a lot of the "normal" symptoms but I'm going to go with the reason I'm fat is because I'm insulin resistant and give low carb a go. 

This is totally F*** up!-Recurrent Miscarriages

We have been TTC for 2 cycles.  And nothing.  Not a faint line on any pregnancy test that I have peed on.  I'm just floored.  I know it can take longer than 2 cycles to become pregnant.  We have never had that happen.  Heck he just looked at me a couple of times and I was with child not for long, but with child.  I just want to go bang my head a door or wall for awhile but I don't want to teach my children bad habits so I will just cuss like a sailor in my head for a few days. 

I should start AF tomorrow and on to a new cycle.  We are trying this month and then waiting a month since it would most likely cause us a end of December baby and we already have one of those :)  I'm trying to decide if I need to temp or just do the OPK's.  I've never temped and I'm already stressed.  Probably not a good idea. 

It has been 4 months since my last post

So in the past four months, what has been happening??  A whole lot of nothing.  I had my RE appointment.  And then a battery of tests.  During this time we have been told I am positive for MTHFR double gene mutation.  Which means I am heterozygous MTHFR?  I think.  My C677 and A1298 genes are the ones affected.  I also found out that I have low progesterone.  My eggs are fine for somebody my age.  They tested my prolactin level and thought I had a pituitary tumor.  So had an MRI.  It was negative.  No tumor.  But my slightly elevated prolactin level is being treated even though I had no symptoms what so ever.  My level was 28 normal high is 18.  So I'm taking Dostinex 0.5mg 2 times a week.  I'm on Metformin 3 times a day at a max dose of 1500mg a day.  I take Folgard 2.2 mg x 2 and Prenatal Vitamin with DHA x1.  After ovulation I must take baby aspirin and progesterone.  We were given the okay to try for a baby this past month.  And we failed.  No pregnancy.  We have never tried and not gotten pregnant so I'm freaked out.  Now I can't get pregnant and can't carry a baby.  Anyway, my period only last 2 days and spotted off and on for 3.  So they want me to come in and do a blood HCG.  I know I'm not pregnant.  I'm concerned I have cysts though.  Anyway just rambling.  I am going to try to keep this updated a bit more now that we are TTC. 

Not much to post-Recurrent Miscarriage

I don't have anything really to update.  I have to go have blood work to make sure my HCG is back to 0 sometime this week.  I'm pretty sure it is after the horrible contraction like pain and heavy bleeding last week.  I've had no more spotting since.  I'm pretty proud of my body for doing what it was suppose to do after it realized the baby shouldn't stay.  Normally I have to have d and c's. 

I'm looking forward to my appointment but also scared.  I don't want to hear they can't do anything for me.  Keep trying til you have one. 

And I'm currently not able to have sex.  They said we couldn't get pregnant until after the appointment for them to help.  Whenever my husband and I think about having sex, I end up pregnant.  Sometimes I feel like just throwing caution to the wind.  Maybe just maybe it was all bad luck. 

Do I really want answers?-Recurrent Miscarriage

I'm less than 20 days away from my RE appointment.  I'm scared.  I'm scared at what they will find, I'm scared they will tell me I won't be able to have baby number 3, I'm scared they won't find anything.  I truly hope that there is nothing wrong and I just happened to have 4 miscarriages that were all totally different.  That each one was caused by normal reasons and that we are just statistically unlucky.  I want to hear you will be able to have a thousand more babies and NEVER have another miscarriage again.  I know this is very unlikely.  I know that if they don't find something that I will be told to keep going and eventually, maybe I might have another.

I've searched the internet a million times trying to find answers.  There are so many possibilities of what could be wrong.  I just hope if we find out that it is treatable.  And I don't want to have to do IVF.  I don't want to spend that kind of money when we can get pregnant. 

So I wait.  I wait until my next blood draw on Monday to see if my hcg is down to normal.  I started heavy bleeding again Weds. and now back to spotting.  Hopefully my body took care of it now.  This sucks.

Recurrent Miscarriage-A Secret Society?

I'm not sure what it is about miscarriages, but nobody speaks of them.  I've seen friends on Facebook announce pregnancies as soon as they find out.  And then nothing.  9-10 months will go by and it hits me that they never announced the sex of their baby or the birth of their baby.  I never say anything because like I said they are Facebook friends, friends from the past, people you don't speak with on a daily basis.  My guess they have had a loss.  Why do they not post.  "We lost our baby."  Probably the same reason I don't post, I'm pregnant.  I feel like it's private.  Why do I?  I don't know why.  My first miscarriage we told everybody under the sun we were pregnant.  EVERYBODY.  When we lost it at 8 weeks, I was sad, mad, embarrassed.  I dreaded people asking me about it because I would cry right in front of them.  

I think we hide because we hurt.  But I think by us hiding people are very dismissive of the problem.  I've heard...it wasn't a baby, you'll have another if it's god's will, you have 2 children at least.  The list goes on and on.  We had hope.  Just like you had hope when you found out you were pregnant and went on to deliver that child.  We think about what it will look like, what it will be when it grows up, what color will we paint the nursery, what are we going to name it...just as you do, but then the rug is ripped out from underneath us, for no reason what so ever.  We are left with a hole in are heart, an empty uterus, and an empty heart.   I'm not sure how to alleviate the problem.  I doubt there is a way.  People are insensitive to miscarriages for whatever reason until they have one themselves. 

And on a medical note, my HCG is down to 65.  I wish it was 0. 

The Wait

I started bleeding last Sunday.  I am currently down to just spotting.  I went in this morning for my HCG draw to see where we are.  I'm praying it's close to 0.  My body is so screwy though I wouldn't be shocked if it is still 333.  I can't believe we are still trying to have baby number 3.  I never imagined this happening in a million years.  It's heartbreaking and frustrating at the same time.  Now I just want answers and to try again.  I'm having a random pain on the right side right now.  I wonder if I'm trying to ovulate even though I'm still spotting.  We won't be trying again until probably December.